Today, at 12 weeks, we saw, amazingly, that Justin and I are to be parents of a third son. And I'm sad.
And that makes me feel very selfish.
I am not sad that the baby is a boy. I am so grateful to God for this blessing and the baby and I are healthy and I praise Him for this marvelous work He is knitting in me - this beautiful life.
I'm sad for the things I'll never know, like "woman's day" when she first gets her period (from the Cosby show) and picking out prom and wedding dresses . . . and that mother-daughter connection. I am so grateful to God that we were able to tell so early. We have another ultrasound in 8 weeks and I would be flabbergasted if we got a different report at that time. I am thankful to know and thankful God spared me another 8 weeks of wishing and dreaming and hoping for a daughter.
In that way, He answered my prayer in the affirmative - that He be gracious. Allowing me to see and deal with reality early on is extremely so.
4 comments:
it's not selfish, it's understandable.
Thanks, Mandy. I wish we lived closer so Jedidiah and Robbie could play and then this baby, too! (and not to leave out Jeremy, but he'd be off in his own world of pretend and make-believe!
Bethany, congratulations on the boy. I do however wish that you didn't have that unfulfilled longing. I'll pray you get 3 wonderful daughters in law that love you like their own mama. and there's always adoption! who knows what God will call you to. i will say that i'm thankful that God is using you to raise God fearing men because there is certainly a shorting of those. (and i'm hoping that i haven't said something that irritates you like mentioning adoption..i'm not just saying that, i'm quite serious.)
Shannon - you definitely did not irritate me!! God's timing for things is amazing and my sister, her husband, and my 9-month-old niece are moving to FL and she'll be here Wed so I'll have Kaydi to spoil (and then hand back to her parents) and so many of the girls in my youth group have a need that I'm able to fill so I am blessed in that way.
With each hour, I grow increasingly more excited about the reality of having three boys and my role as the only woman in the home and how it's a treasure. I have to be a wonderful role model for them.
We've discussed adopting later in life and who knows, God may choose to use us in that way as well. :)
Give Madeline lots of hugs and kisses for me - she is so sweet - and I will be content with loving on my niece and my friends' little girls and hopefully God will stifle any pangs of jealousy. :)
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